Lost… and Found!

11 Feb

I have been occasionally asked over the past one year of period or so.

“Why did you stop writing?”

Then I told them.

“Well I was (or am, or have been) busy.”

“I have been traveling too much.”

“I’m so tired nowadays.”

“I’ve been sick.”

So I said. So they’ve been told. And they left me alone.

But in all those different words, perhaps all I wanted to say was this: I ran out of words. With all the respect for you, dear friend(s), I really can’t think or feel strongly about anything, so I ran out of words.

But (another But, I know), maybe I wanted to say was this: The words ran out of me. They ran away far far away from me that I could not catch them and put them back into my life.

Have I been extremely unhappy? No, that is absolutely untrue. Rather, I think I was just at the state of being, existing. Frankly, I don’t know which is worse, actually. The words were all lost inside of me, just melted in a tiny tiny corner of my thoughts and feelings that I could not comprehend. I could not save them when they were dissolving like smoke in the air. They just left me some unpleasant scent to be remembered. And poof, they were gone.

So I existed. I tried to put down some thoughts, somewhere. They all got started with a few words, but then they stopped becoming words.

The words ran out of me. They ran away from me.

Then I ran away from them, the opposite way.

Then I realized. I was the thief of my own words. I stole them and threw them away to be wasted in the space for nothing, of no existence.

And I’m slowly walking back. I want to. Everybody has a story, and I’m not stealing my own anymore. I welcome me.

As part of the celebration, I actually decided to commit to something (note: I am slightly commitment-phobic, only slightly) that I watched over on a Ted video clip a while ago:

I have been occasionally asked over the past one year of period or so.

“Why did you stop writing?”

Then I told them.

“Well I was (or am, or have been) busy.”

“I have been traveling too much.”

“I’m so tired nowadays.”

“I’ve been sick.”

So I said. So they’ve been told. And they left me alone.

But in all those different words, perhaps all I wanted to say was this: I ran out of words. With all the respect for you, dear friend(s), I really can’t think or feel strongly about anything, so I ran out of words.

But (another But, I know), maybe I wanted to say was this: The words ran out of me. They ran away far far away from me that I could not catch them and put them back into my life.

Have I been extremely unhappy? No, that is absolutely untrue. Rather, I think I was just at the state of being, existing. Frankly, I don’t know which is worse, actually. The words were all lost inside of me, just melted in a tiny tiny corner of my thoughts and feelings that I could not comprehend. I could not save them when they were dissolving like smoke in the air. They just left me some unpleasant scent to be remembered. And poof, they were gone.

So I existed. I tried to put down some thoughts, somewhere. They all got started with a few words, but then they stopped becoming words.

The words ran out of me. They ran away from me.

Then I ran away from them, the opposite way.

Then I realized. I was the thief of my own words. I stole them and threw them away to be wasted in the space for nothing, of no existence.

And I’m slowly walking back. I want to. Everybody has a story, and I’m not stealing my own anymore. I welcome me.

As part of the celebration, I actually decided to commit to something (note: I am slightly commitment-phobic, only slightly) that I watched over on a Ted video clip: Trying Something New for 30 Days. Part of this was the craziness over my insomnia recently, and the “benefit” of insomnia is that you come up with lots and lots of creative thoughts (while the downside would be staying relatively dormant during the day, ha!) while you’re lying around, and I’ve taken some decent notes on these. Also the other part would be the fact that I recently watched Julie&Julia, where a woman (Julie) picks up Julia Child’s legendary cookbook and cooks everything (500+ recipes!) over a period of 365 days. 

Well, the cooking would not happen… But I was thinking about picking a topic and writing on this topic for 30 days straight. This is a commitment for a month, and this means that the blog post would be updated everyday!!! Considering the silence over the long period, I think it would be a fair challenge for myself. What do you think?

My topic of the month would be on gender issues around the world. Was it too obvious? There have been a lot of things that I wanted to say to a lot of peeps, but I’m better at writing than talking, so I choose my stronger weapon.

I think I can go for it. So starting tomorrow, I will be writing for 30 days straight. Watch me! 

Advertisements

One Response to “Lost… and Found!”

  1. Sarah February 11, 2012 at 12:48 pm #

    Deeply, deeply pleased to read this post. Can’t wait to keep up with your writings over the next month. Love you and miss you!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: